Tonight Luka and I went out for a date. It was a last-minute opportunity that we took advantage of. We almost said, “Nah, we’ll stay home and get something done.” then it was, “Wait, are we crazy? Of course we’re going out!” When you’re parents you need to seize every opportunity to spend a little quality time together. You need it. Your relationship needs it.
We went to see a movie. We were early so we went for a drink at the cafe. We don’t see movies often so it’s always nice when we do get to, but this time it made me think, maybe a movie isn’t the best date. The reason is that because in those two hours of screen time, if we were to sit together and talk about some meaningful things instead, our relationship would benefit so much more. I think this is especially true when you’re especially busy and haven’t spent as much time together.
In our relationship we started with nothing but communication to keep us going. Most couples have dates and they hang out and do things all the time, but because we were a long distance couple until we were married, we were either apart for months or with each other 100% of the time. There was no in between. Which, in hindsight, was a good thing because it made me into a much better communicator (I was really dreadful), but also it has illuminated to me now just how vital deep communication is to a thriving relationship.
I can point back to almost every problem we’ve faced to a lack of good communication. Many times it’s not just a case of, “You said/I thought you said” but it’s more that we haven’t been communicating enough and therein lies the problem. When we’ve been communicating regularly I am more capable of communicating the good things and the not-so-good things I’m going through, in our relationship, in our family, or just in life.
What is communication? Just talking? Sometimes yes. Some days are just those days when all you can get through are a few lame sentences and then you just want to get ready for bed. Great and good communication comes through your ideas, dreams, and vision for life. For Luka and I it means philosophy, religion, government, people, business, cars, travel, charity, and so on. We don’t directly discuss how do we become better people, but that’s almost implicit in these kind of conversations because the bigger and deeper your conversation the more you leave behind the petty and negative.
The best way to foster this in your relationship is to openly ask and listen to the other’s thoughts, ideas, and opinions and NEVER criticize them. Luka taught me this. He was the first person in my life that I could express myself to and he could challenge me or disagree with me and I wouldn’t feel the need to be defensive. It took time, but I got there. This is how we started. Like I said, I was dreadful. After 6 years we’ve both become better, but many times it’s the conscious decision to become so.
I don’t want this to sound like I’m hailing our relationship. I just know that we’ve made A LOT of mistakes, we’ve gone through a lot of trial and errors and at the root of all those solid communication is usually the one to come to the rescue.
